4.35am

These months of hiatus hasn't been all rosey. Well, it may sound that way and it certainly does seem like it, but honestly it isn't. When people ask me what am I up to, I can't exactly find the right words. Let's say that I'm not working, but neither am I doing nothing. Feels like I'm threading on a thin line in between, stuck in a limbo, crossing between zones of productivity and idleness. If it was in Facebook, my relationship with life, work and reality would fall under 'It's Complicated'.

I tell myself that I'm working towards a certain goal, that of a scholarship and overseas studies. But its such a bloody long shot, even the small optimistic part of me can't barely see it. Now, even the all dancing, all singing folks of MDA can't tell me exactly if documentary photography can be qualified as one of the media areas that they support. "It falls into the cracks, its up to the panelist. Why don't you send it and we'll see how?" Sounds like painful rejection masked delightfully under wrappings of uncertainty. But I'll still give that long shot my best shot. I don't want to settle on 'what ifs' anymore.

I've not regretted much about anything for a long time, but now I have. So kids listen up. If you've the resources and opportunities to do some things now, do it. Like the wise chinese man always said, "Mai Tu Liao". Now, I'm breaking my back trying to get things done simply because I didn't do it back then. Sure is a pricy lesson learnt.

Its 4.35am now and I feel like having a mega upsize sausage mcmuffin breakfast.